The Body, Mind, & Soul Connection: Your Weekly Newsletter
By: Bria Wannamaker
What is your biggest fear? Maybe you have a couple things that you’re really afraid of. Or maybe, you feel like you can handle anything and that you’re not fearful of anything. Our responses to fear can come out in the ways that we speak to ourselves and our loved ones. The behaviours that we keep engaging in even though we don’t like them. Or, the feeling of being stuck and the feeling that no matter what we do, no matter how hard we work – it’s never enough and were not taking any steps forward – or if we are, it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back.
Step 1: Gain Clarity
Behind a lot of our behaviours, actions, feelings, emotions, thoughts, lies fear. Choosing to eat or not eat something for fear of weight gain. Obsessively checking things around your house for fear of safety and security. Yelling at your kids on the play ground for fear that they might get hurt. Being snippy with your partner because they forgot your anniversary, the snippiness might be related to your fear of being forgotten or abandoned, fear of falling short of our own personal goals and expectations, resulting in endless scrolling or binge watching a tv series, a fear of intimacy and vulnerability leading to pouring yourself into working long hours and spending little time with your family and loved ones.
The fears that we have can creep up on us. We adapt to them and engage in behaviours to anticipate or avoid our fears – these anticipatory or avoidance behaviours typically lead to feelings of discomfort, distress, anxiety, and depression. What if we began to address, unpack, and heal our fears instead?
What Are Your Top 3 Biggest Fears?
- Fear 1 is ______. I can tell when I’m scared because for me, it looks like_________.
- Fear 2 is ______. I can tell when I’m scared because for me, it looks like_________.
- Fear 3 is ______. I can tell when I’m scared because for me, it looks like_________.
Step 2: Integrity
We all came to this earth to do our own thing, as a collective. We all have our own gifts, talents, and strengths. Do you think it would be fun if at Christmas time as kids, you and all of your friends received that same red fire truck toy? Or would it be more fun if 1 person received a fire truck, 1 got a trampoline, 1 got a sandbox, 1 got a doll, and 1 received a colouring book? My guess is, the latter.
Social media makes everything look sexy. IT’S SO DISTRACTING. Just this morning I opened one of my apps and saw someone and their partner training for a marathon together. My first thought was “wow good for them, that’s so incredible!”. My second thoughts, “We should do that. I should start training for a marathon. I wonder if my partner would want to do that with me? How would we train? Where would we run? Which marathon would we sign up for? How much would it cost? Would I become obsessed with fitness again? Would it be too hard on my health/immune system to try this kind of intense running?” SOOOOOO DISTRACTING. Next thing you know, you’re looking up a hotel to stay in for your marathon weekend in 2025 and you’ve wasted an hour of your day on something that you don’t even have any interest in.
I was able to put my phone down before it got to that extreme. But that’s only after months and months of doing the work to get clear on who I am and what my priorities are. A previous version of me would have jumped all over that. I used to think that it was because I was an impulsive, driven, dedicated, go-getter type of person. The one who says “I can do that!” and can really and truly do anything that they set their mind to. Which is true, I can. But do I want to, is the question. Is that just a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system? Chasing more and more and more? Chasing the next hit of dopamine, the next thing that we think will get us closer to finding balance. When really, it all comes from within.
What Are YOUR Top 5 Values:
- What’s important to me is_________. Sometimes I get distracted by_______. I can set boundaries and say no to things that don’t align with this.
- What’s important to me is_________. Sometimes I get distracted by_______. I can set boundaries and say no to things that don’t align with this.
- What’s important to me is_________. Sometimes I get distracted by_______. I can set boundaries and say no to things that don’t align with this.
- What’s important to me is_________. Sometimes I get distracted by_______. I can set boundaries and say no to things that don’t align with this.
- What’s important to me is_________. Sometimes I get distracted by_______. I can set boundaries and say no to things that don’t align with this.
Step 3: Consistency
Relapse happens when we fall back into old behavioural patterns. Even though it feels like you’ve been taking all the necessary actions, and making changes in your life to head in the direction that you want, it’s time to get real with yourself.
- Are you consistently engaging in new behaviours (which leads to strengthening new neuropathways in your brain – repetition is key – it will eventually feel easier once the new, desirable behaviours are hardwired)??
- A behavioural pattern that I want to release and let go of is_______. If I come back to this pattern, it’s because I haven’t practiced the new behaviour enough and it is not a result of “poor will power”. I have not gone backwards in my progress, this is part of the journey.
- A new behaviour pattern that I want to engage in is______. This will help me to find balance and to step out of patterns of chronic stress.
- I will stay accountable to these changes by __________. It’s important to seek support, stepping through fears is challenging, especially when I’ve been engaging in these patterns for 10+ years; I cannot expect to change them overnight or all alone without support from others.
- Feeling stuck feels like _____, and ______, and _____. If I am consistent, I can slowly move forward and out of the “stuck” and the resistance.
It feels good to find homeostasis, rest, peace, passion, simplicity. What causes us distress is either staying stuck and governed by our fears, OR by diving into the opposite of our fears like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other; without any sense of direction, support, or goal, we will swing right back to where we started. This leads to feelings of burn out and exhaustion. Though, doing the opposite to what you’re fearful of can be an insightful and incredibly transformative way of sprinting through fear and into the beautiful and divine, unknown; If you’re ready to make strides and changes in your life, make sure you know the above steps so that you’re guided in the right direction 1. Gain clarity on who you are and what your priorities are and what it is that you want to accomplish, 2. Practice integrity and live a life that’s true to you, and 3. Consistency is key. Say no to the things (people, places, and opportunities) that are not for you, and say yes to going all in on the doors that open for you.