The Body, Mind, & Soul Connection: Your Weekly Newsletter
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While kids need you to co-regulate their emotional experience of the world, adults with a secure attachment style and emotional maturity, do not. Whether it’s in your romantic relationship, your friendships, your working relationships, or family – you can learn to be compassionate, loving, and caring for others while still keeping an emotional boundary to support your own wellbeing.
Porous Boundaries = Connected, but not respected and protected.
Rigid Boundaries = Protected and maybe respected, but not connected.
How do we find a balance, how do we foster our adult relationships by creating boundaries that are conducive to our happiness?
Everyone has a hurt and wounded inner child, that part of you that’s stuck in the trauma of your past; whether that’s a result of your upbringing, bullying at school, or other factors – everyone has something to work through at varying degrees of severity.
The Parent: Takes on responsibility for what everyone else is feeling – may also be known as “the people pleaser”, puts personal needs aside, feels anxious and uncomfortable most of the time, but ignored this and pushes through with responsibilities at work and at home.
Tips for unburdening your inner parent: When you do the work for other people – the emotional work – of 1) assessing the situation, 2) checking in, 3) and working toward fixing/finding a solution for the other person, you are taking away from their journey, from their own growth, from their own healing. Allow them to communicate their needs to you in an appropriate way. You will feel resentful, exhausted, and anger will begin to build if you continue to care for everyone except for yourself. You do not have to co-regulate with other neurotypical functioning adults. The best thing that you can do is to become self-aware and prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing so that you can interact with the world as an adult. You are not responsible for the happiness of everyone around you.
The Child: Feels confused about everything going on around them. They are unsure of if they should sit quietly and wait to be addressed, or if they should speak up and assert their needs. They are reactive and defensive as they work to build their sense of self in comparison to those around them.
Tips for healing your inner child: You need to become your own co-regulator and take responsibility for the things that you can control in your life. Journaling, self-reflection, therapy, having open conversations with friends and family, deep breathing exercises, creating lists of your dreams and goals, engaging in activities that you enjoy, meditation and stillness practice, movement and outdoors. Stop looking to others for your happiness and become the creator of your own wellbeing.
The Adult: Is able to recognize when they are reacting to situations from the perspective of their wounded inner child or their hyper-responsible parent persona. The adult practices recognizing when conflict or discomfort is a result of their shit or someone else’s shit. The adult is able to communicate their needs, honour their own boundaries, and the boundaries of others.
The adult’s mindset: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can. And, the wisdom to know the difference.”
This week on The Better Bodies Podcast: