Setting the Stage

The Body, Mind, & Soul Connection: Your weekly newsletter

Our mental and physical health are influenced by how we perceive the world. We seem to have this resistance to change, even when we know with full conviction that it will be the best thing for us. Let’s take a look at how we can set the stage of our lives to be fully engaged, present, and enjoy every single moment of what we create.

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*Please note that in this article I’ll be talking a lot about taking responsibility for the role that be play in stay stuck – this does not include trauma, abuse, neglect, or other complex mental health concerns and situational challenges. For example, I’ll be talking about our patterns in life – if you find that you continually are attracting abusive partners – this is not OK and this is not blame or shame in relation to you. I’m talking about more surface level difficulties and experiences such as financial troubles, body image, boundary setting, falling out with families or friendships, etc. If you are struggling with any of the above and require assistance, here are some resources:

*Important numbers

  • Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511 (toll-free, 24/7, multilingual service available)
    • on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone: #7233
  • Seniors 24/7 Safety Line: 1-866-299-1011
  • Fem’aide 24/7 Support Line: 1-877-336-2433 (French only)
  • Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
  • Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse 24/7 Crisis Line: 1-866-887-0015
  • Ontario 24/7 Community and Social Services Helpline: 211
  • Talk4Healing 24/7 Helpline for Indigenous Women: 1-855-554-4325
  • Victim 24/7 Support Line: 1-888-579-2888

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What’s happening in your life right now?

  • Do you feel like you’re not valued?
  • Do you feel like you’re constantly giving to your relationships and not getting the same in return?
  • Do you feel like your calendar is overbooked?
  • Do you feel disrespected, unheard, or misunderstood?
  • Do you feel like you’re constantly having to explain yourself?
  • Do you always feel stressed out and overwhelmed?
  • Do it feel like you’re getting some of your needs met but not all of them?
  • Do you feel like you’re exhausted and don’t know when you’re gonna catch a break?
  • Are you experiencing chronic pain, illness, allergies, or any other physical symptoms that just seem to keep piling on?
  • Do you feel like you never have time to yourself?
  • Do you feel like you only ever work and don'[t have time to engage in any of the activities that you love?

If you’re always creating a story in your mind about why something isn’t possible for you, then it probably won’t be. What would happen if you instead leaned into all the reasons why it is possible?


We get stuck in these patterns, self-perpetuating patterns that seem to have no end. Stuck in our beliefs – even if we don’t really believe them anymore; it feels safer to cling on to an uncomfortable known than and uncertain unknown.

Let’s take a look at your patterns…

Which areas of your life do you feel like you’re struggling with right now?

Social & RelationshipsPhysical HealthMental HealthSexual HealthWork & CareerFinancial WellbeingHobbies & PassionsOther

Take some time to reflect on or journal about what you’re feeling in these different areas of your life and how they might be related to your patterns. Let’s take responsibility for our behaviours (if it is something that is within your control) and know that we are the common denominator in these situations – this is empowering because now, if there is something that you have influence over, you can begin to make the necessary shifts in your life.

Example: If you find that you’re having difficulties in your relationship with your spouse and you’re feeling disrespected or misunderstood, take notice – do you feel this way in any other relationships? How about in your work – do you feel valued in your workplace?

In order to move through these patterns look at: Do I value myself? Do I give myself time, space and understanding? What are actionable steps that I can take to show ME that I respect myself and to build trust within myself? we teach others how we want them to treat us*. If you’re constantly saying to your boss that you’re able to take on more work and that it’s “no problem, I’m happy to help” – but them feeling burnt out and overwhelmed at work, but also not taking any action to communicate this to your boss or to set boundaries as to what your actually work capacity is – this pattern will continue.

Self-confirming bias is the tendency to seek, find, and process information based on our current beliefs (check out the video below where I give a brief explanation of this).

This is why it’s so important for athletes, musicians, actors, etc. to engage in mental rehearsal (also a part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy [CBT]) – visualize your performance going the way that you want it to go versus evaluating all of the possible negative outcomes, fears, or worries that confirm your beliefs. You don’t have to be a professional artist or athlete to engage in mental or cognitive rehearsal, in fact – it can be an important part of easing anxiety before heading into a situation, event, or interaction.

Example: Person going on a first date believes that they talk too much and are annoying and that no one will ever love them – chances are they will continue to engage in that behaviour – mental rehearse prior to the date the behaviours that you want to exhibit and what you will look for as new evidence versus self-confirming bias such as – the other party made eye contact, I asked great questions, we laughed a lot, etc.

To sum up:

  1. Identify what’s going on in your life right now that you’d like to change
  2. Recognize your patterns of interacting with your environment, others, and yourself
  3. Take actionable steps to begin to shift the ways in which you relate to your environment, others, and self (this is where therapy can be really helpful; having someone to help guide and support you through these changes)
  4. Shift self-confirming bias by engaging in mental rehearsal to practice outcomes that you can control -Example: if you want to be active but you can’t control whether your workout buddy is going to ditch you again, or whether it’s going to rain on your walk instead of the self-confirming bias of “see, I’ll never be able to stick to a workout schedule” when these things happen – plan and prep yourself for what you can do – GET EMPOWERED!

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EXCITING NEWS: Episode 100 of The Better Bodies Podcast is out now! Thank you for listening and for all of your support. I love podcasting and am thrilled to be able to bring your more incredible episodes and interviews!

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